Things didn't start out that way.

LEON: I think the colloquial phrase is "dumpster fire," precipitated by a fear of failure, for both of us. For us, to take the time and the energy to have sex, which is not even a good way to be thinking about it, and then have it end up not satisfying either of us was very frustrating. There was a lot of sexual frustration. We would end up in a disappointment vortex on both sides.

NAOMI: Yeah, the disappointment vortex. Leon felt a fear of failure, and I felt like I wasn't really turned on and I was going through the motions. I was already entering sex from an angry position because I was stressed because I didn’t feel that my needs outside of the bedroom were being taken care of. I didn't feel like my safety or wellbeing mattered. And so then I was already angry and we'd start to have sex, and it would hurt the whole time, and all I could think about was that I hate this. The bedroom problems were bad, but I think they were just one part of the rest of the problems, which was: Leon felt overwhelmed and stressed and “in the yellow” a lot on his own, and I was constantly needing things from him. We just didn't know how to communicate or see from each other's point of view. Then on top of that, how are you ever gonna have sex in that situation?

LEON: There has never been a moment where my deep love for Naomi changed from my side, but the challenges were eroding our trust in ourselves and our relationship. These patterns were eroding a really core part of the relationship and that was painful, frustrating and difficult. And it was confusing because we are generally good at tackling complex problems in a lot of different areas, but with this sex problem, we could not just fix it. We tried so many things; we tried hacking it. We didn’t know what to do — and that was incredibly frustrating. So the day-to-day frustration was quite high and it created distance between the two of us. The sexual side was bleeding into the day-to-day.

NAOMI: I had my outburst and the next minute, Leon found solutions. It calmed things down. We were going to solve this together.

LEON: We were looking for someone that was specifically the expertise and focus on the sexual piece. We’re type A, so we like lessons, homework and worksheets. All of that was really resonating with us with Irene, rather than sitting on a couch for an hour, then leaving with nothing to do. And we liked that it was about finding physical solutions for physical problems. Definitely, these are also connected to emotional issues. But focusing on the sexual piece, all the way from finding our sexual types to the pussy massage were all very tangible. 

As someone who is hypercritical, even from our early sessions, I was like “maybe, maybe, maybe this is gonna be something.”  

Shannon: It was such a tragedy in that we love each other, we enjoy each other, but we still kept finding ourselves in these damaging cycles.

I was constantly thinking about our sex life, and I was working so hard at it — at initiating, at fulfilling what he wanted me to do.

And nothing was natural. I felt that I was always spinning my wheels: trying to do the right thing and to do what was expected. And yet I felt none of it was working. I wasn't doing it well. No, I kept failing at it.

I found that we would always land in this place [around sex] where Greg felt rejected, and I felt like a failure.

We’d work so hard, and we were just spinning our wheels, then we’d find ourselves in that same disheartened space again: where we're so disconnected, not on the same page, not communicating well, and tired and sad. We had just hit that bottom point again, and it was clear that we couldn't do this anymore, and we had to get help.

Greg: I wanted a different kind of intimacy and was trying to make up for what wasn’t there with constant trials of ‘Let's try this position, let's try that new toy”, but I was left empty because the interpersonal connection with one another was not there.

The answer to their sex problem was not what they expected.

Shannon: Looking back and thinking about it, it's so ironic that the answer was so simple — I needed to stop trying to do what Greg wanted (or what I thought he wanted) and just do what I wanted. That's the bottom line. That was the answer all along.

I was just trying to fit myself into some Shannon-shaped space that I thought I was supposed to fit into.

Shannon: Hands down, the most empowering part of this journey was finding my voice.

Greg: My desire for sex is not different from what it ever was. I am typically game every day…like most guys. However, the edge is off. What I attribute that to is no longer trying to fill what was missing — that connection, that being vulnerable with one another in all aspects of our life. Just having that openness with each other has filled a hole in my heart.

And after 25+ years together, things are getting more fun and passionate.

Shannon: Our connection is better all the time, not just during intimate times.

We are on the same page, and we have [sexual] practices that are part of the fabric of our relationship that we look forward to every week. We start our week together and on the same page.

We’ve instituted a Sunday morning routine: Church and then the ‘no-underwear brunch.’

They both laugh as Greg jokes: ‘Have a mimosa, leave the undies at home.’

Shannon: The most surprising thing for me [about our journey] is that we actually made it to where we are today. And we’re here for one reason: Greg never stopped pushing. He always thought there was more that was possible — that we could have more.

Bill: [When we reached out,] we thought the problem was sex.

Sandra was not initiating or making sex a priority for us. I am not sure she had initiated in years … and since she didn’t initiate and I wanted her to, I didn’t initiate either. This resulted in infrequent sex, maybe twice a month.

When we did have sex, I sometimes felt like it was a household chore or task—like making me a sandwich—it was not objectionable, but it certainly was not a passionate event.

Because Sandra didn’t initiate, I felt undesired, and because I felt undesired, I experienced all those years as deep rejection. I had such a mountain of hurt that any small way that she tried to initiate was more hurtful and never helpful.

The harder they tried, the worse it got.

Bill: I felt completely undesired. I felt alone and hopeless that anything would change. We could not seem to improve our situation and resolve our issues even though we had worked very hard on our own. We have a strong faith background, and we've worked with other counselors. We read/tried a lot of self-help books and hadn't really made much of a dent in it. We tried just about everything … with very little to show except increased hurt and frustration … especially on my part.

Sandra: My fear with Irene, the “sex coach,” was a dread of newness, awkwardness, discomfort. I don’t like any of those things! But I felt like the letter was the bottom, and at that point I had nothing to fear. Bill was already on his way out the door. If it failed, he would just keep walking. The bottom is kind of a safe place to be in a way — it can only get better. Finding Irene felt like a gift from God.

Sandra: [Over the process] our trust of one another has grown. My trust of Bill has grown tremendously and vice versa. That has enabled us to stay present. For me, it literally meant I was able to stay in the important conversations that I avoided or gave up on in the past.

For Bill, it meant emotionally staying present in conversations without exiting by way of the venting mode.

This trust also has enabled us to make a bond between us in and outside of our bedroom.

We created an intimacy that was never there before.

And that really has provided the opportunity for really sweeter sex, because there's so much less fear for both of us.

Bill: [We came in] with really broken hearts.

It took a lot of faith and hope to get to where we are now; it wasn’t instantaneous or easy.

But now, we have a common understanding and framework that allows us to navigate complex and historically harmful issues.

Today …

Bill: we are resilient … optimistic … and we are able to see each other. We know each other better. We're known to one another more, so maybe the other word is known.

Sandra: And we definitely have sex more often. There's been a tremendous shift in the quality of my orgasms as a result of a lot more play, foreplay, and focus on pleasure. There's very rarely ever a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kind of interaction. It's always very mutual.

Bill: We're both much more comfortable in saying what we want and need.

Grace: Our son was born, and we loved being parents, but the birth triggered a rut in our love life. We were fighting a lot and we got to the point where we didn’t feel like we could solve our own issues. We decided that we needed to talk to somebody.

I found Irene’s website but hesitated to contact her at first. We have insurance, so we decided to try to find someone who was covered first.

A year passed and our relationship was still in the same rut and maybe even worse. I was feeling less hopeful to the point where I was thinking ‘If we can't figure this out, I don't know how we're going to continue doing this.’

I decided that the cost of splitting up would be greater (both emotionally and financially) than just investing in sessions with Irene. So we decided to try it. We wanted a coach who would believe in us instead of wondering if we should even be together.

Alan: We had good intentions, but then we were just moving farther and farther apart. In the end, we had withdrawn all the affection, but the criticism and the distance were still there. We were just hurting each other, with nothing to balance it out. So the bad things just compounded.

When we were withdrawing from each other, I felt unloved and unwanted, and my confidence was deteriorating. I felt very lonely.

There was no contact at all.

The resentments built and built, and then the resentments kept us apart to where we weren't even trying to meet each other's needs because we felt our own were so neglected.

Grace: Just in the first few sessions, when we got the worksheets about patterns … I just remember how it blew my mind that what we're going through is so normal that it can be boiled down to patterns. Every time we had a problem, we knew how to begin fixing it and healing some of the old patterns, so they don't happen again. It was like ‘wow, I have a tool now.’

I felt like we are talking to someone who can really help us because all of the issues we were coming up with, Irene would respond: ‘Oh yeah, I know this dynamic and it’s normal, and here's how to deal with that.’

We couldn’t surprise Irene with any of it and she knew what we could do to fix it.

So I started to feel like we're not “broken forever” people. We were just stuck – not broken.

Alan: [Along this journey] we really applied the tools … there were a lot of different processes, guides, suggestions, modules and exercises … so we adopted what worked for us and modified things, so they fit our lives.

Grace: We are getting a lot better at recognizing when we're in the red — or even when we're in the yellow — and we’ve averted a lot of really bad fights … because we stopped when it was smart to stop.

This positive feedback loop in communication translated to sexual connection and physical intimacy.

Alan: [Before], there were genuine questions that each of us had about whether the other person even wanted intimacy.

With the foundation of believing each other and trusting each other, we have the starting knowledge that we're both interested [in each other], and now it's a matter of figuring out — how do you come on to the other person in a way that they will like and respond to?

As a result, we've just been better at touching, cuddling and being together — the nonverbal connection.

Grace: When it came to sex, before I felt like there was a timer over my head, as in ‘how many days we can have this situation before the marriage is going to be over?’

So I felt this huge pressure. And then that played into a trauma response I had, so I drew away even more. And now I don't feel like that at all. Now I recognize that it's a story. Now I feel like we both want to meet each other's needs, and we’re still learning how.

Irene helped us break out of our mindset that it had to be just the way we were used to.

The mindset shift was that I can find modifications that suit us instead of just thinking that it’s how it must be.

It had us reexamine and re-explore everything we do physically — what do I like and how can I make it work for me?

Grace: We did a lot of stuff to improve our marriage.

For other couples considering sex & intimacy coaching:

Grace: Think about what you're willing to risk if you don't do it.

We thought first to try just one more person that our insurance covers before we see Irene but that had us delay getting the real help. If you're thinking about what you're willing to risk, it's not worth risking a year to see if something else will work.

If you're looking up Irene, and you’re watching the videos and thinking ‘This chick really understands, but I don't know …” just go for it.

“When people complain to us and voice their frustrations and their fears, we can say that we only fixed that because of the work we did. And acknowledging that we needed it and taking the steps to actually do the work. There's vulnerability and honesty in that. We want to give that gift to other people.

When we started, we had gotten so defensive with each other. It wasn't about negotiating anymore, but about battling things out. We were on our own in the relationship, and it just made it so hard to accomplish anything.”

For Al, sex became “something I knew that I needed to be happy, but I didn’t really want to put in the effort to foster intimacy because Blair was unlikely to reciprocate. The windows where intimacy seemed possible got narrower and harder to actualize, and the sex we did have became less and less enjoyable and rewarding.

For Blair, “there was a lack of desire, but a sense of obligation, and as a result, sex became less enjoyable and painful at times. It didn’t feel like a way to connect, so much as something we just had to do.”

Summarizing their relationship today, Blair & Al both say that it’s “secure, promising and progressing.”

“We’ve become the opposite of guarded. So much more vulnerable … willing to show our imperfections and willing to own up to those.”

For Al: “It’s just a relief that sexual tension (and desire) doesn’t build up to untenable levels anymore. I can express my sexual desires and know that they will be heard. I know that I can be intimate with Blair in a way that feels good for her, emotionally and physically. I feel a physical and emotional connection that had been missing. Sex is fun (and sometimes funny), exciting, and we explore and experiment in ways that we never could before.”

For Blair: “Al can now be honest and open about what he needs, so I can respond to that. And because that reduces my anxiety around sex, I’m able to enjoy it now. I feel like I can also be more honest with Al about what I want and need, which has made our sex life much more fun and interesting!”

We were in a rough spot when we started ... tons of bickering … always feeling on edge like a fight was just around the corner, feeling drained by one another/our relationship and not on the same page as a couple. After coaching with Irene, we feel like a squeaky clean new couple. We're much more filled up individually, so we are filled up by our relationship, have sex much more frequently and more fulfilling sex, we have tools on how to do relationship so we rarely fight now. We ... both feel so much more freedom and joy from our relationship. We're also showing our son, and future children, what a healthy marriage looks and feels like.

Irene ... lovingly guided us through some very tender times and got us to drop our swords and taught us to open our hearts to one another again. Her coaching is the perfect blend of tangible skills/communication, energy, holding a strong space and having fun.

Do it — it takes work, courage, tears, healing and it is 1000% worth it because the love, freedom and joy on the other side is better than you can imagine.

Surely not unlike many other couples who have been together 10 plus years, sex was something we just did. We were, for many years, going through the same patterns that we always had and we felt “satisfied.” It wasn’t until we had an honest conversation of “Are you getting what you want out of this?” that we realised that neither of us were.

And as ridiculous as it was to engage a coach on the other side of the planet [from Australia], it has been life changing. Our relationship is the best it’s been in recent years and that’s a lot due to our renewed intimacy.

We had no idea what we wanted or how to get there, but knew that “spicing it up” wasn’t the answer. We were looking to lay ground work so that our intimate relationship fed the rest of our relationship for the years to come … and great sex is obviously a key to that. Irene provided a supportive environment, helped us grow both as a couple and individually so that we could bring the best of ourselves to the bedroom. We learnt that just “satisfied” isn’t what we want our intimate relationship and sex life to be … we wanted it to be amazing and we, with help from Irene, are well on the way to achieving that.

Recent update: We just did an online tantra course … and it just cemented into us how sexually mature we are compared to everyone else who were there. When you think about it, how many other couples get roughly 12 months of coaching for our intimacy and push each other out like we do in the confines of monogamy? It’s things like that which illustrate to us just how far we’ve come.

Working with Irene has been life-changing! We came to Irene when things felt really hard in our relationship, as lack of trust was making communication and connection challenging and also our sex life. We’ve brought life back into our relationship … and it feels like we’re now in a state of effortless love. We trust each other, we have more connection, and we’re able to flow between situations, not worrying that we’ll say the wrong thing to each other. We’ve come closer together — in our everyday communication, in our love, in how we no longer leave each other behind during arguments, disagreements or hurt feelings, and in sex as we learned to put our guard down and be with each other in a more connected way.

As a man, I feel stronger for having learned how to be vulnerable, and I know I am making our relationship stronger when I am able to be open and honest and not fear showing that side of myself to my wife. I am being more effective and stronger for her, and as a result, we’re able to face what comes up together.

As a woman, I learned to be more at ease with myself, and to allow myself to trust and depend on my husband, in a way that my older self couldn’t because of the walls I had put up around myself.

Irene has developed an amazing set of tools, and she has an extraordinary ability of holding space so that each of us has the opportunity to truly be heard and understood and to say what we needed to say. That somehow made our challenges more manageable and intimacy easier.

Having done this work, thinking about the future that we want to create from here is easy and we are confident that we can do it.

Irene has also helped remove the negativity from our thinking about intimacy issues and gotten us to a place where we think of this as a normal growing pain in a longstanding relationship. We've learned different approaches to understanding intimacy, from love languages to masculine/feminine dynamics. We've learned how to better communicate and acknowledge feelings instead of talking past each other.

Before coaching with Irene, I [Krystal] was lacking desire to have sex with my husband, whom I love very much. We had only been married for 3 years, and I felt like I was broken and that there was something inherently wrong with me. After a few sessions, I started to learn the importance of daily practices and acknowledging fear and desire. It helped me to understand more about myself in many areas.  As a result, I'm growing as a person and growing in my marriage. 

I had been divorced for about five years … I hadn't felt sexual in years and years. I wanted my sexuality back. I wanted to be in a relationship. I wanted love and intimacy with a partner. That was the longing.

My friends were all bugging me to get on dating sites to jump start the process. I tried and it was not a good experience.

[Fast forward to today] … I am finding myself as a deeply centered, powerful sexual being who is unapologetic and unafraid of her sexuality, and who is adored for that.

I'm in a relationship with a man as opposed to a boy, for sure, and that’s something that's different. I feel like he's needing me to be in my power, as he's super masculine.

I sought out a women’s intimacy coach because I wanted to understand my connection with my body and my sensuality. The biggest challenge for me was how much I would be in my head when it came to intimacy … it was so much about ‘performance’ but not really about being in my body and so I had a very hard time achieving orgasm with my partner, and even by myself. I’d sort of resigned myself that this is just how it would be for me. It’s such a sensitive topic and one that feels scary, even taboo, to explore, and I felt like most resources I explored were just too “out there.” I reached a point in my life, though, where I just knew I needed to focus on healing this area.

I was apprehensive about doing this type of coaching because I wasn’t sure what to expect so I spoke to several coaches as I was exploring who would be the right fit. From our first chat, I resonated with Irene because she was open about her own journey to reconnecting to her sensuality and she was so passionate about helping other women on the same path. I definitely knew she had “been there” and would be a great guide for me because she truly understood.

What I appreciated most about Irene, aside from the loving and safe space she holds, is that she really balances the practical education with the sensual embodiment practices. For me, for example, it was so helpful to learn about the biological “mechanics” of arousal... that alone created so many “ah-ha” moments for me and how I had been unknowingly forcing my body into something it really wasn’t prepared for yet! No wonder I’d been so disconnected!

Through my work with Irene, I’ve been able to drop into my body and truly be present with myself and why I need - which means I can be fully present with my partner. I highly recommend her to any individual, or any couple, seeking to heal their relationship with intimacy.

I still remember the sad night I had enough of my sexual frustration. I was ashamed of myself, my body and of my desires. I pushed pleasure all the way to the tiny hours of the night while I spent all my waking hours as a successful career-driven woman. I love my career, but it was self destructive and I sacrificed pleasure, desire, play and curiosity. I sat in bed realising that if I continued this life, I KNEW I’d wake up as a 35 year old woman hating her life, body and in an un-loving relationship. In a deep panic I reached out to Irene — she was the first and only person I sought help for sexual education, awareness and help.

I have worked with Irene for 6 months and I have seen DRAMATIC results in my life. The first being, to communicate my desires. I started out as a shy, ashamed and angry girl. I had been taught to push all passion, desire and sexuality aside in pursuit of career success as an Accountant. After working with Irene, not only do I voice my desires, I ACT on them. I have become a talented dancer and successful sales woman in a job I love.

The second dramatic result was to awaken my sexual self. Before, I perceived my sexuality and femininity as a liability in my career and in my identity. I thought I’d be a push-over or I’m displeasing God. With Irene’s help she has given me confidence to exude femininity and use sexual energy in all aspects of my life. Even in my sales job! Consequently, I am always energised because my energy is feminine and abundant. I’ve become one of the highest performing sales women in my job and am often told I am magnetic.

The third dramatic result was my self love and self acceptance. Before, I was very ashamed of my shortcomings, inexperience and appearance. Irene taught me skills to help me love all of me, with compassion and understanding. In turn, I love myself and I desire to see myself as beautiful, joyful and happy. This reflection has caused me to become attractive to other people too! Wow! I am approached by both men and women as someone they would love to be friends with!! Now, I am confident dating men again.

Irene’s coaching is alluring, beautiful, and POWERFUL. She has pushed me beyond my comfort zone and even when I wanted to stay small, she has gently and lovingly and yet firmly pushed me to play bigger. I am so feminine and flowy that I can be deep in my sea of emotions and feminine energy, and I needed a powerful coach who is the perfect balance of feminine and masculine energy to support me on my sexual awakening and transformation journey.

With her support, I am becoming my truth and embodying the divine feminine so I can finally feel free in my divine sensual experiences. There always been fire inside me … by working through my fog of fears and limiting beliefs and integrating this mindset work with body work and feeling the sensations in my body, the gates of my heart and body have opened.

In this journey, I have spent the time honoring the darkness of my past and processing my shame around my sexuality and learned the intricacies of seduction and my sexuality. I am now ready to express my sexuality. Express my wild woman. I want to express who I am deep inside that I’ve kept hidden since childhood. I know I am a Sex and Sensual Goddess since childhood because this is my portal to connect to the Universe and the Divine. I’ve faced my wounds and shadows.

Besides connecting to my sexuality, my sexual energy has fed my creative projects and I’ve re-discovered my creativity and understand that my true calling in my life is to be a creative artist and healer.

Sexual work is deep and intense, yet it is also light and playful and fun. What I have learned: that I am free to express and embody all the shades of my femininity and sexuality. I have gained my womanhood and my gift of my sexuality. Thank you, thank you, and thank you with all my heart, Irene!

I reached out to Irene after struggling on my own for years, but wanting to make a change before my wedding. My fiancé and I went through some challenging times, and I was feeling stuck and unable to move past old hurts. For years I had been slowly building up walls, and separating myself both emotionally and physically, even though I wanted nothing but closeness and intimacy deep down.

Irene made me feel at ease right away: she has a way of guiding you to answers you didn't know you had inside you.

After only a couple of months of working together, I am now able to reach for my partner when I need him. I have shed the fear of not being good enough for my partner. I have realized some inner truths, like I am tired of trying to control everything, and the messy side of my personality is dying to come out!

I have transformed from rigid to soft, from closed off to open, and from insecure in my relationship to more confident and connected than ever. Irene has provided the safe space I needed to process, and move forward.

I can't wait to see what the coming months hold for our work together!