What Is Sex Coaching?
Creating an Extraordinary Sex Life Starts with Working with an Expert.
Explore if my approach is right for you.
Q: What is sex coaching?
A: If you’re like most people, you probably didn’t grow up with sex education that went beyond our reproduction anatomy and disease avoidance. It’s likely that you didn’t get to be educated in intimacy and what it means to sustain sexual connection over the span of a lifelong monogamous relationship. And it’s likely that you didn’t have role models who exhibited healthy expression of sexuality either. Which means that when you became sexually active and when you entered a relationship, you relied on yourself. You had to figure sex out on your own, and it got you this far.
But my guess is that you’re wandering about sex coaching today because you want something more … more passion in your sex life? More connection with your partner? More pleasure for you? Maybe you are wanting to learn what more is possible?
Sex coaching is a path to practically addressing some of the most challenging questions that we weren’t taught in school:
What do you do if …
The sex you’re having that’s unsatisfying and you don’t know how to address it when …
Sex has become predictable or same-old
There’s no build-up or foreplay, and seduction is rare/non-existent
You’re not happy with length and duration
Sex just doesn’t feel good: it hurts, it’s uncomfortable, it’s stressful
Your partner has no clue about how to turn you on and you don’t know how to explain it
You and your partner lack effort in making sex special
You’re in a relationship where mis-matched sex drives create tension, rejection and hurt?
You’re in love with your partner but finding having sex harder and harder as life gets in the way?
Sex hurts and everything you’ve tried doesn’t work?
You’ve had kids and you want to rekindle passion and sex — and not make it be the last thing on your to-do list?
The last time you had sex was years ago and you don’t know where to start to fix your sexless marriage?
You’re feeling sexually “broken” inside — maybe because you can’t orgasm or don’t engage in sex as much as you wish you could? (FYI you're not and I'll show you why!)
You’ve become roommates in your committed relationship and you want to get the sexual and romantic spark back?
You’ve been stuck in a hamster-wheel of unsatisfying relationships, always with the same kind of person, feeling unfulfilled and want to find a different kind of partner and outcome?
You want find a suitable partner who will help you feel safe to open up sexually?
You feel like a stranger in your body and have no idea how to be “more in your body” that everyone’s talking about?
You haven’t been able to orgasm with your partner and feel frustrated and unsatisfied?
Menopause changed how your body feels and what you used to do doesn’t work any longer?
You’ve had a conservative religious upbringing and now that you’re married, you don’t know how to navigate sex and make it pleasurable for you and your partner?
You’re self-consciousness about your body and don’t know how to be comfortable in sex?
Stress and anxiety derail your sex drive and you feel too overwhelmed to do something about it?
Get your questions answered: why sex dies in a long-term relationship — and how to create ever-growing passion and sex instead.
I am Irene Fehr, and as a somatic sex and intimacy coach for women & committed couples, I’m here to help you to not only get answers to your questions but help you transform your life into the vision that you’ve been dreaming about.
If you’re coupled, my goal is to help you build an extraordinary committed relationship filled with love and passionate sex — not make your marriage a little bit less bad.
If you’re a single woman, I partner with you to support you in your expansion and growth so that you can experience sex differently and attract a partner who will meet you in creating the sex life of your dreams.
I take my clients through a multiple-month sexual growth and mastery program that focuses on your goals and desires. Every coaching journey — whether with a couple or an individual client — is custom-tailored for your specific situation and is highly experiential and transformative. It includes focus on the areas of desire, pleasure, communication, and passion, among others.
Working with me, you won't be asked to try new techniques, sexy lingerie or exciting pillow talk. In my experience, sex based on connection and intimacy is far more powerful, exciting and erotic than any external technique can provide.
But it doesn’t work just to teach you about this kind of sex. You need concrete tools and exercises to make this work for you and your relationship.
Sex coaching combines:
Cutting-edge education about sexuality, pleasure, body and intimacy
Inspiration + encouragement to keep going after your dreams
Mentorship to help you break through hard moments
Honest feedback about what’s really going on
A safe space to be yourself and talk through your experiences without shame
Healing of past traumas and wounds
Mindset exercises to help you create the results you desire
Somatic (body-based) practices to help you access pleasure and feel more in your body without shutting down
Support between sessions to help keep momentum going
Modeling of healthy conversations about sexual boundaries, desires and sex
I work with clients all over the world over the phone, Skype, or Zoom. I also create VIP in-person retreats and intensives for clients who want deep-dive personalized attention.
Q: What results can I expect from sex coaching?
A: My sex coaching is tailored to the results you want. Here are some of the results my clients have seen:
For a couple who love each other and want more sex, but who are stuck and unsure of how to infuse more passion into their busy lives … they learn how to connect more deeply on a regular basis through affection, playfulness, eroticism, and touch.
For a couple living like roommates in a sexless marriage who want to reintroduce sexual spark into their relationship … they learn how to discover their sexual passions and desires and cultivate the sexual connection.
For a couple with mismatched libidos … they learn how to speak about what they want without triggering rejection and approach sex where both partners feel satisfied and excited for sex.
For busy new parents for whom intimacy and connection have taken a back seat to obligations and demands of running a household … they learn how to release the guilt of taking time to recharge and nurture their love life and infuse their life with small, effortless ways to connect to each other daily.
For a couple where the woman has never had an orgasm or experiences pain during intercourse … they learn about the female pleasure anatomy, how she can nurture her body for more pleasure, what her partner can do to support her, and how they both can communicate for pain-free sex.
For a single woman who’s starting to date after a long-term relationship or one who might have limited sexual experience … she learns how to be at ease within her body, to discover what turns her on, and to enjoy being intimate with her partner.
For a woman who lives in her head and struggles to enjoy sex … she learns how to quiet her mind, listen to her bodies and experience sexual pleasure in real-time.
For a couple where both partners are timid in asking for what they really want or how they feel … they learn how to communicating openly and vulnerably in a safe and supportive space.
Here Is What My Clients Have to Say about Their Results:
“I had no idea I didn’t know that much about my body, and I’ve thought I was pretty advanced. I experienced the most delicious orgasm last night thanks to the practices Irene taught us to build arousal.”
Jennifer and Jake
“We were having good sex before, but it was getting monotonous and too much work. Since working with Irene, we’ve been having the most spiritual sex we’ve ever had. We learned to listen to each other and our desires, so each time sex is so different and exciting.”
John and Elaine
“We improved our sex life and our relationship thousand fold. And now we can add the satisfaction of modeling a healthy sexuality and sexual relationship to our children to the list of benefits too.”
Phillip and Rosalind
“When I had our baby, I felt so disconnected and alienated from my body. And we felt disconnected from each other as lovers too. There was just too much anxiety around sex. I loved Irene’s approach of becoming an explorer of my new postpartum body, and my husband loved partaking in this exploration. We’re having the best sex now, and it’s getting better and better.”
Kate and Paul
“We were ready to split up. Even though we loved each other, the toll of raising three kids, jobs, starting a business was too heavy, we had a full sexless marriage, and we were ready to let each other free to find sexual fulfillment elsewhere. I am so glad we stayed and decided to work with Irene. We didn’t realize how much we were stuck in a mindset of validation sex which led us to disconnect altogether. With Irene’s help, we saw beyond what we could see in our tunnel vision about ourselves. We created the sexual connection, instead of waiting for it to magically appear. I am glad we believed more was possible and found the best person to help us get there.”
Mike and Lana
Q: What is it like to work with a sex coach?
A: Sex coaching starts with a consultation session where we get to meet each other and I learn about you and what you’re looking for. Next, we schedule a deep-dive to explore your goals and design a roadmap to make it happen.
Once we work together, I go in the trenches with you and support you in making your dreams a reality.
I practice somatic (body-based) experiential coaching, which means that you don’t jut get to learn theoretically — you start doing things different right there in session. In the same way that one can’t learn piano, dance, or baseball from a book, you learn how to shift your sex life by making the shifts. I guide you through exercises to help you feel more comfortable with your body, talk to your partner about sex without embarrassment, or touch each other without feeling scared of rejection.
In sex coaching, you also get to
Talk about sex comfortably, without embarrassment or shame
Learn about the pleasure anatomy and different ways to experience pleasure so you can take this knowledge into your bedroom and play with your partner
Feel safe sharing your desires and deepest sexual dreams
Feel more pleasure in your body
Experience connection and emotional support that you would not get elsewhere
Experience touch and pleasure in ways you have not before with new techniques and real-time feedback
Keep yourself motivated around your goals and build momentum
Push your edges to experience new ways of relating to your body and to a partner’s
Q: How are you different from other sex coaches?
A: Unlike many sex coaches and therapists who are so by training, I went through what many of my clients go through, and I understand the emotional, psychological and relational challenges of losing my libido as a woman and ending up in a sexless marriage — as well as what it takes to reconnect to my body and sex drive.
My transformation was profound: I reversed my low libido (which was never actually low, just malnourished), learned about my body’s arousal and how important it is to enjoying sex (very!), and never experienced painful sex again. What I learned about my body became the key to unlocking what I wanted and enjoyed in sex.
But I didn’t want just good sex; I wanted extraordinary sex with my committed partner.
I’ll never forget the first time I experienced what I now call “connection sex” in the safety and trust of a long-term relationship. My mind had quieted down, and I could feel the undulating waves of warmth and expansion traveling through my body. I was relaxed and soft, and able to surrender to my partner’s touch, yet there was also a sense of being awake and on. My body purred with so much pleasure that it felt like I was drenched in love. Orgasm took on a totally new dimension, from a brief spark of intense sensation to a trembling joyride on a river rapid of endless ecstasy. My heart was cracked open ... and I could never go back to sex that was merely about friction or validation.
Because I felt — not just understood — how delicious it is to experience freedom in sex in a committed, long-term relationship with a partner, I went on a mission to learn everything I could it about it. I explored my pleasure anatomy and dove deep into understanding of the female libido. I tried out different forms of sex and learned sexual pleasure practices to elevate sex and orgasm to the level of ecstasy. I studied relationship dynamics from the foremost researchers and therapists in the world. I experimented with monogamous and open relationships.
What I found was that we all naturally want connected and passionate sex — it’s part of our human DNA. We are all capable of sexual pleasure in connection with a partner. We want intimacy and passion wrapped in one because it’s part of our humanness. And it is possible to create it in a long-term relationship. What it takes is just that: it takes creating a sexual relationship intentionally and consciously. Extraordinary sex does not make for an extraordinary sexual relationship that lasts; creating an extraordinary sexual relationship makes extraordinary sex inevitable.
Today, my mission is to bring the wisdom and the tools to creating an extraordinary and lasting sexual relationship to as many couples and individuals as possible.
Q: How is sex coaching different from sex therapy?
A: Whereas therapy and coaching both aim at helping you lead a fulfilling life, the approaches are different.
While there are many types of therapy today, historically psychotherapy has been based on the medical model that identifies what is wrong with you (a pathology) and works to fix it (with a course of treatment). Similar to a general therapist, a sex therapist has the authority to diagnose a disorder and prescribe treatment. Generally speaking, therapy focuses on healing and building emotional resilience.
Sex coaching, as is coaching in general, has a different intention as well as feel to it. Although it may feel therapeutic, sex coaching is not meant to reverse any medical conditions and does not involve diagnosis or prescribed treatment. Coaching is desire-based, forward-looking and action-oriented, with a focus on empowering you to achieve your desires by breaking through blocks that are holding you back. Coaching focuses on action, growth and expansion and requires a certain foundational level of emotional resilience and awareness.
Because sex coaching is focused on changing your life, it involves more than talking about life. It's focuses on you taking action to change your life.
In coaching, while we will certainly talk about the past and how it impacts beliefs and actions today, the focus is on the present and the future—that is, what are your goals and what needs to happen for you to have achieve them.
As a well-trained, experienced coach, I know when a client needs therapy instead of coaching. Because of this, it is not uncommon for me to refer clients to experienced licensed professionals when I see that it's in their best interest.
Although I am an expert in the field and will offer education and different perspectives to consider, in our coaching relationship, my role is not to advise, fix or consult you. I am trained to listen with curiosity and without judgement, to use my intuition, and to call you forth to your highest potential — empowering you to take action that you know is best for you from a place of confidence, clarity and resolve. Ultimately, it is you, the client, who are in the driver's seat.
Q: What kind of investment should I expect if I commit to sex coaching with you?
A: As in all areas of life, truly extraordinary results take time to produce. That is why I work with clients for a minimum of five months and usually up a year to create the desired results. I do not work on a session-by-session basis because I focus on deep transformation, rather than short-term results.
My highly-customized individual and couples coaching programs start at several thousand dollars.
My online self-learning programs offer a more affordable way to take in the learning and transform your life.
To create deep shifts that stick as life takes over, I ask my clients to dedicate a minimum of 2 hours a week on their growth. Most work happens between sessions, which is why home-work — or “play-work,” as I like to call it — is an essential part of the process.
I work virtually over the online conferencing platforms of Zoom/FaceTime with clients all over the world. There is no touch or any sexual contact involved under any circumstances.
Q: How can I decide if your approach is right for me?
A: The only way to decide if it’s a fit is for us to meet and for you to experience my coaching.
First, decide which area below fits your situation and goals. Then, we start with a free 30-minute consultation session to meet each other, and I will share with you ways to experience coaching together before you have to invest.
FOR PERSONALIZED COACHING:
If you’re in a committed relationship, couples coaching will best support you and your partner.
If you’re a single woman, individual coaching for women will best support you.
IF YOU’RE A SELF-LEARNER:
My women’s online program is a wonderful way to learn on your own and apply my techniques in the privacy of your own home.
Couples online program coming soon!